1. |
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All the quacks call it Carnivore
But it's really Dunning-Kruger
They tell you to eat lots of meat
And forget about heart disease
Well, maybe you feel fine for now
But disease takes it's own sweet time
Arteries clog slowly, then POW!
Your heart resigns
Please, guys, eat wisely
Mediterranean or DASH
Recommended most highly
If you want your life to last
Don't fall for the latest craze
Carnivore and whatever comes after
Just eat good food every day
The quacks will kill you faster
The Grim Reaper knows
Get your cholesterol low
LDL below 60
Live long and healthy
Don't fall for the carnivore scam
It's a total freakin' disaster
Ignore the quack and supplement man
Carnivore kills you faster
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2. |
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Aliso Canyon, shut it down
She's killer in disguise
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
There's evil in her eyes
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
We don't want her in this town
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
We're sick of those SoCal Clowns
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
She's killer in disguise
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
There's evil in her eyes
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
We don't want her in this town
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
We're sick of those SoCal Clowns
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
Aliso Canyon, shut it down
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3. |
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Away in a manger no crib for a bed
The little new baby laid down her sweet head
The stars in the sky looked down where she lay
The little sweet baby asleep on the hay
Be near me, my child, I ask thee to stay
Close by me forever, to show me the way
To love everybody, both friends and foe
Please teach me everything I forgot long ago
Away in a manger, no crib for a bed
The little new baby laid down his sweet head
The stars in the sky looked down where he lay
The little sweet baby asleep on the hay
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4. |
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There are no white officers
There are no black officers
They are all one race
And that race is cop
Some use their fist
Some use their feet
Some use a stick
Some pretend not to see
Are they criminals or cops?
Gangbangers in blue
The rot start from the top
In the court of the kangaroo
There's many good cops
And some bad ones
But only a few that will stop
The beating of your son
The beating of your son
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5. |
Cellphone Roadkill Day
02:22
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Crossing the street can take your life
To stay alive you need to see
Put down your phone, use your eyes
Watch your 9 o'clock and your 3
If you're tap tap tapping or yap yap yapping
Don't cross the street, Oh No!
Tap tap tappers and yap yap yappers
Get a tag tied on their toe
Crosswalks are no guarantee
That you will stay alive
Zebra stripes are killing machines
Watch your 7 o'clock and your 5
Look to your left then look to your right
Keep looking all the way
Look for the car that just might
Make your Cellphone Roadkill Day
"But I had the right of way!" you cry
As the cops get out their chalk
That's Darwin's favorite way to die
Don't text and cross! Don't talk and walk!
Look to your left then look to your right
Keep looking all the way
Look for the car that just might
Look for the car that just might
Look for the car that just might
Make your Cellphone Roadkill Day
Cellphone Roadkill Day
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6. |
COVID Smoke
01:57
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You fantasize that you have two lives
Another life after you die
But your second life begins on that day you realize
You only have one life to live
Wear a good mask, get yourself vaxxed
Don't breathe other peoples' air
COVID floats like second-hand smoke
That's not something you want to share
Ventilate your workplace, ventilate your home
Open up your windows, turn on your fan
Give COVID smoke somewhere to go
Gather outside if you can
You have one big beautiful life
So please, my friend, be wise
Wear a good mask and get yourself vaxxed
If you want to stay alive
COVID smoke can end your life
So please, my friend, be wise
Ventilate and do it outside
If you don't want to die
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7. |
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The biggest Ponzi Scheme ever
The biggest of all time
We think that we are so clever
But that's how they do the crime
The biggest Ponzi Scheme in history
The biggest in the universe
You think it won't happen to me
But that's how they trick you first
Just say no, walk away
Don't listen to their lies
No matter what they say
You get screwed by the crypto guys
Wham Bam Thank You Mam
Screwed by the CRYPTO SCAM
Wham Bam Thank You Mam
Screwed by the CRYPTO SCAM
Screwed by the CRYPTO SCAM
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8. |
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NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL \ FICITONAL LYRICS
Daddy beat me with a stick
his Bible says it's right
Oh God, how I prayed
he'd stop before I died
Daddy punched me with his fist Am
to make me a better man
I was only four years old
my Hell had just began
Whack!
Daddy hit me with his belt
he learned it from his Dad
he must've known how I felt
how hating him made me sad
Daddy whipped me with a hose
to teach me to be strong
I need love not violence
When I do something wrong
Whack!
Daddy beat me too hard one day
my brain bounced off the floor
now I don't have to be afraid
he can't hurt me anymore
Daddy can't beat me in my grave
I remain forever fou
I don't have to be afraid
he can't hurt me anymore
La, la la, la la la la
La, la la, la la la la
NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL \ FICITONAL LYRICS
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9. |
Ebola Prevention
02:21
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I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Mama will you make my favorite stew?
She said "Don't eat bushmeat, not one bite
Even if you like it or to be polite"
I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Papa I've got to run to the loo
He said "Go to the doctor if you got the runs
Fever, headache, or throwing up"
I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Governor, what's your point of view?
He said "Saltwater will not help you no
Wash your hands up to the elbow"
I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Professor may I have your peer review?
He said "Don't bother with the Kola nut
Clean your body and cover your cut"
I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Witchdoctor, can you make ju-ju?
He said "Don't touch the sick
The dead or the fabric
Take my advice not my ju-ju magic"
I don't like Ebola, what do I do?
Mister idiot do you have a clue?
He said "Don't worry, be happy, it doesn't exist"
Ignore Ebola at your risk!
You don't like Ebola, what do you do?
Listen to me and I'll tell you
Don't be an idiot, don't be scammed
Save your life, follow three commands
Be clean, be careful, and oh so wise
You don't want to be the one who dies
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10. |
Hypnosis Bliss
03:13
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I felt like something was missing
Something I needed to find
Looked everywhere but forgetting
To gaze into my mind
Tried to find it in a Lamborghini
A Corvette and Tesla or two
But they all broke down just like me
They were missing some bolts and screws
Tried to fix it on the internet
Tik Toking and Tweeting so sweet
They liked the way I made them forget
They're all missing it just like me
Food, sex, exercise
Television, shopping, video games
Pretty nice for a temporary high
But so hard to break those chains
Then it happened one fine day
Things got really atrocious
That's when I found a way
I found it through hypnosis
I traveled deep into my mind
And found an ally by my side
My other half, so happy to find
My best friend while hypnotized
I finally found what I missed
Now I got Hypnosis Bliss
Now I got Hypnosis Bliss
Now I got Hypnosis Bliss
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11. |
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They told him what to wear
They tormented Bill
He died of despair
But they can never kill Jill
His clothes were all wrong
Bill wore the wrong clothes
Instead of socks he wore hose
And lipstick under his nose
UNBIBLICAL! They said
We know better than him
So they bullied him to death
Punished Bill for his sin
But what's his crime?
Said the little boy
Bill was so kind
So full of joy
They told him what to wear
They ridiculed Bill
He died of despair
But they could not kill Jill
Why do you care
That Bill is different than you?
Said the little girl, scared
That they would kill her too
He did not conform
Bill disobeyed
He lived outside the norm
Dats what da bible say
But what's his crime?
Said the little boy
Bill was so kind
So full of joy
Why do you care
That Bill is different than you?
Said the little girl, scared
That they would kill her too
They told him what to wear
They tormented Bill
He died of despair
But they can never kill Jill
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12. |
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There's a special place in hell
For the leaf blower man
Right next to
The amplified muffler dude
Oh how I hate these sounds
They turn my smile into a frown
I would send them all to hell
But I'd still hear them all around
Chewing with mouth open
Slurping, farting, burping
Squeaking, grinding, pounding
Microphone feedback hurting
You know what else gets me pissed?
Novelty songs like this
So if you add it to your list
I completely understand, I too am damned
The baby crying on the airplane
OK, she gets another chance
We can all understand her pain
She got doo doo in her pants
But if you ever blow on them bagpipes
You're going straight to the inferno
Same for you if you play that kazoo
Or you drone on didgeridoo
Oh how I hate these sounds
They turn my smile into a frown
I would send them all to hell
But I'd still hear them all around
That guy drilling with his power drill
Nails on a chalkboard
The lady who screams oh so shrill
Your damn lover's constant snore
The low pounding of a distant motor
The boom boom boom of the hip hop car
The constant roar of an air conditioner
The screaming of a car alarm
Oh how I hate these sounds
They turn my smile to a frown
I would send them all to hell
But I'd still hear them all around
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13. |
No One Sees Me Anymore
02:43
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Hey buddy, can you spare some change
For a friend in need
Hey brother, can you feel my pain
Good luck, goodbye, and Godspeed
I was once like you
Yeah it’s true
But now I’m poor
And no one sees me anymore
Hey sister, will you lend a hand
To help a good man up
I’m looking for a place to land
And there’s nothing in my cup
I was once like you
Yeah, it’s true
But now I’m poor
And no one sees me anymore
A few months ago I had a home
A family and good work
My clothes were clean my hair was combed
And my eyes I would avert
When I saw the beggar coming
When I heard the drummer drumming
When I saw what I might becoming
I was once like you
Yeah it’s true
And now I’m poor
And no one sees me anymore
Now I’m poor
And no one sees me anymore
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14. |
Sundown Town
02:06
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If you're not extremely white
Please get out of town
That siren is for you
All you Red, Yellow, Black, and Brown
That siren blows at 6PM
As a kindly reminder
To all you colored citizens
All you outsiders
When you hear that siren sound
You're visiting rights are over
You better get out by sundown
That's what that siren's for
Sundown Town
Sundown Town
In the year 2022
That siren still goes off
Under the red, white, & blue
It's just something we can't stop
We talk about tradition
We talk about honor
Talk about everything
But the ugly Sundowner
Sundown Town
Sundown Town
Sundown Town
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15. |
Payday Loan Crack Pipe
03:04
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They greet him oh so sweetly
Give him coffee and begin to type
They present his papers so neatly
And light up his loan crack pipe
He's living week to week
He's working to the bone
He's eating chicken feet
Hooked on a payday loan
He don't drink, he don't smoke
Never touches any drugs
He's hooked on always being broke
And the payday loan-shark thugs
They greet him oh so sweetly
Give him coffee and begin to type
They present their papers so neatly
And light up his loan crack pipe
The first one's free
They said try it out
Then he took his first hit of cash
He felt a rush that left no doubt
This loan would not be his last
He tries to stop
But it's been five years
Now he owes over 25K
With nothing to show but a pool of tears
From eyes that look so far away
They greet him oh so sweetly
Give him coffee and begin to type
They present his papers so neatly
And light his loan crack pipe
They greet him oh so sweetly
Give him coffee and begin to type
They present his papers so neatly
And light up his loan crack pipe
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16. |
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17. |
Underpants Song
01:44
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Underpants are fun
They're the last thing you take off
And first thing that you look for
In the early morning sun
Underpants on dogs
Always make me smile
They look much better nude
But it gives them a little style
Underpants for guys
The boxer or the brief
Real men don't wear nothing
But a Calvin Kline fig leaf
Underpants for gals
A panty or a thong
There's benefits to both
But too many for this song
Underpants Oh No!
Said the freebird to the question
I go commando
Don't like too much compression!
Underpants are magic
When they’re your sacred garmies
Protecting your libido
From a thousand charging armies
Some underpants are tiny
Some are a rather large
But it really doesn’t matter
When it comes to what they charge
If your underpants are tight
And crawl into a crack
You’re probably better off
Rockin that ole T-back
Now I could say a few more things
About the underpants we wear
But I think we understand by now
Why we should all own a pair
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18. |
You Want a Hug
01:12
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You want a hug?
Said the policeman to the jumper
High up on that bridge
Over cold green water
You want a hug?
Said the policeman to the jumper
You want a hug?
I got one for you brother
You want a hug?
Said the policeman to the jumper
High up on that bridge
Over cold green water
You want a hug?
Said the policeman to the jumper
You want a hug?
I got one for you brother
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19. |
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Lopker Los Angeles, California
Welcome. I like to make songs. Not autobiographical. Just for fun. Songs about current events and human values.
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